Monthly Archives: July 2013

Given the choice–feel the loss or pretend that they did not ever exist? Which one is better?

In divorce acting like the person was not part of the family seems to be viable option. In death it does not really matter.

The loss of a family member hurts not only the partner or the parents but the entire family unit.

We are tribal human beings and when we become adults most often we select a partner. That partner comes with a family. We join their family. they join our family.

When a loved one leaves the family either by separation, divorce, or death, there is a grieving process that the whole family goes through.

When a member of the family dies it is final.

When a member of the family leaves by separation and divorce, it is never final although the families act like it is.

And I have always wondered why?

Recently my son and his fiancé split up. I feel myself going through the paces of grief, of loss, of wishing it were different. I feel the pain of the fiancé and of my son and the pain of the loss of the relationship and so I am questioning why?

I am an empath so I understand I will feel their emotions strongly. I also understand the grieving process. It feels almost like I failed at something, that I did not do enough to support this young budding relationship, that I did something to hinder this relationship.

And yet it is not my relationship. So why am I having this sense of loss and guilt over them not being able to figure it out.

I am not quite sure except to say that I am grieving the loss of a loved one. That I have not finished my process yet.

I suppose I could be the opposite. In my family when my parents split up, my dads side had nothing to do with my Mom even though she was part of that family for 30 years. I think that is just rude.

If I had the choice of feeling loss or ignoring the person was even in my life, I think feeling the loss is a better option.

The best solution is to talk to the person, to make sure the person is safe and supported.

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